If I Kiss You Where It's Sharp

With the onslaught of smelly diabetic ulcers and oodles of hypertensive old men (otherwise known as my FINAL Internal Medicine rotation) also comes the return of Dr. Popular.

Dr. Popular dresses like a dermatologist, swears like a sailor on leave and keeps homeless people in the hospital overnight just so they have a warm place to sleep. She also runs one of the busiest services in our run-down academic medical center and is somewhat of a celebrity there.

She's the type of person who, when she passes you in the hall, you think to yourself, "Boy, I hope she's MY doctor."

Recently Dr. Popular had an entourage of security personnel escorting her around the hospital corridors because, not too long ago, a drug-seeking patient threatened to kill her.

Apparently this wasn't the first time she had been threatened by a patient, but it was the first time that the threat came dangerously close to becoming a reality right in the middle of a busy clinic day.

And it was also the first time that the hospital CEO realized that the death of a beautiful, celebrity doctor would probably NOT bode well for business.

So Dr. Popular walked around for a few days with an entourage of security escorts.

But like any good female protagonist, she soon tired of this and decided that she was done being smothered by the studly, gun-toting young lads and asked them to take a coffee break.

A few moments later, Dr. Popular received a call on her cellphone from the offending patient (who had since been banned from entering the hospital). Apparently, the patient was upset and confused and, even more disturbing, she noticed that the number he was calling from was a clinic number--he was in the hospital.

About this same time, the patient was spotted causing a ruckus in a different area of the clinic and the studly lads perched outside Dr. Popular's office stood up, puffed their chests and began to grunt in preparation for hauling this guy's sorry ass out of the House of God.

But Dr. Popular remained on the phone with her patient and tried to calm him down. When it was clear this tactic was not working, she told the patient to hang up the phone and come up to her office so they could talk.

The security lads profusely protested this and argued with her for about 3 minutes until.......in walks the patient. He was obviously either high or coming off a high with red, darting eyes and a t-shirt that had seen better days.

And you know how on Grey's Anatomy, when something dramatic happens and everything just stands still for a moment?

Yeah, well that didn't happen.

The gun-toting lads dash towards the doorway to intercept the man, but they stop short as Dr. Popular says, "STOP! Step back. Get away from him!"

"Doc, I'm in pain."

"I know you are."

She proceeds to talk to him for a few moments and the tense situation soon ends. The patient is then escorted out of the hospital--but of his own accord, and not secondary to a body-slam against the painted concrete floor.

And as we listen to her relay this story to us, we are all stunned --our mouths gaping open in horrified amazement.

"Weren't you scared? " We asked.

"Of course I was."

"Why didn't you just let the cops take him away?"

"Because, if you treat someone like an animal, they are going to act like an animal.
Because, you guys, if you want someone to act respectful, you must first treat them with respect."